


Staying in Place

by TheGweninator



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Cute, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Funny, Hair, Humor, Humorous Ending, I cracked myself up writing this, Mischief
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4826405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheGweninator/pseuds/TheGweninator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Inquisitor and Commander Cullen find themselves in an awkward situation when Dorian gives Cullen a bit of advice...and a present.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Staying in Place

**Author's Note:**

  * For [IntrovertedWife](https://archiveofourown.org/users/IntrovertedWife/gifts).



> Inspired by a silly conversation I had on Twitter with IntrovertedWife. It really *is* her fault this time. ;)

I shoved the door to Solas' study open, ignoring its loud banging against the stone wall as I stomped inside. The elf in question jumped a little--a rarity all on its own, given his constant and damnable composure--and looked up from his desk, mouth already opening to form a question. “ _Not now_ ,” I snarled. He blinked at me, but did as I demanded. The quizzical look on his face said it all, though.

“Slow _down_ ,” said Cullen, wobbling a little behind me. I tried, but I was so furious after the agonizing walk through the great hall that I don’t think I succeeded. He stumbled as we reached the first step leading up to the library, and I felt a sharp pain as he steadied himself.

“Do you really have to carry that sword everywhere? It’s digging into my hip,” I said. This stairway was clearly not meant for two people to ascend at once, especially not side-by-side.

“You will not think it so inconvenient if we are ever attacked.” he replied.

I grunted, resuming my blistering pace up the stairs whether he was ready or not. “From now on, you have to leave it outside before you come into my quarters.” I said.

“Oh yes, that way _everyone_ will know when I’m sharing your company,” Cullen muttered. I shot him a look, but he was in just as bad a mood as I was, so I might as well have glared at the wall for all the good it did.

Thanks to my impatience, we were almost halfway up the stairs now. I could already hear the cawing of Leliana’s ravens, and wondered if she was up at her desk, about to be party to what I imagined was going to be a rather heated conversation. No matter. I was angry enough by now not to care who heard what I had to say.

“ ** _Dorian!!_** ” I bellowed, making Cullen jump. Above us, I heard the sound of books being fumbled and dropped. I’d startled him. Good.

With one final push of furious energy that nearly unbalanced Cullen for a second time, I crested the top of the stairs. Together, we came face-to-face with the subject of my wrath. Dorian was standing next to his beloved, overwrought Orlesian chair, a stack of books askew on the floor around him. Despite the obvious mess, he looked perfectly calm, striking a pose so profoundly casual you’d think he’d been expecting us.

Everyone else in the library, however, lacked his practiced grace. They had all gone completely still, and I could practically feel them all holding their breath. Even Helisma, the Tranquil, was standing stock still and staring wide-eyed at the scene which was about to unfold.

“Inquisitor!” hailed Dorian, his tone jovial. “How lovely to see you on this fine morning...what can I do for you?”

I pointed at the fingers of my right hand, which were currently sunk deep into Cullen’s golden curls...and stuck fast. I felt my heartbeat singing in my ears as my rage and embarrassment both hit their peak. “What. Is. _**This?**_ ”

Silence. Everyone stared. I couldn’t blame them; after all, it’s not every day you see the Inquisitor with her hand magically attached to the head of her Commander. Nor, perhaps, was it the dark betrayal from the rogue Tevinter mage that they’d all been expecting since Dorian had joined our ranks. For his part, Cullen looked torn between praying for the Maker to take him on the spot, or drawing his sword and running Dorian through with it. If I hadn’t known that my face was the exact same shade of apoplectic red, I might have found his blush endearing.

“That would appear to be Commander Cullen,” replied Dorian, deadpan.

I let out a string of curses so furious and colorful that I heard several people gasp, including Cullen. “ _You know what I mean, Pavus!_ ” I shouted.

Dorian held up his hands, as though I were an angry bear he could somehow calm. “Of course, of course...just trying to lighten the mood a bit. You two are both so adorable, you know that? It puts me in the mind to just laugh and be...” He caught the look I was giving him. “Er, maybe laugh is the wrong term at present. Would it be terribly impertinent of me to ask why you’ve brought this charming scene to my attention in particular?”

“This is _your_ doing, that’s why,” Cullen snapped. He started forward, dragging my arm along with him. My fingers immediately tugged on his hair, and vice versa. “ _Ow!_ ” we both cried in unison.

I could already see Dorian biting his lip. “ _Not. One. Sound._ ” I growled, pointing at his face which was rapidly starting to twitch with suppressed laughter. “I mean it, Dorian.”

He cleared his throat, clearly struggling to maintain his composure. “I wouldn’t dream of it, Inquisitor.”

Cullen let out a ragged, frustrated breath. “Tevinter, when I came to you to discuss...certain matters...what I did _not_ desire was for you to give me cursed goods!” he said. I could literally feel him vibrating with tension and did my best to stand still beside him without twisting my elbow. “You will fix this and you will fix it now!”

Dorian made a disapproving noise. “Well I think _cursed_ is going a little far,”

“Wait,” I said. “Cullen said you had given him something, but--what discussion? What ‘certain matters’?”

I knew instantly that I'd struck a nerve. Suddenly Dorian had his arms crossed and his finger on his lip, like he was trying to shush himself. At the same time, Cullen’s fury vanished, replaced by an awkward, shifting posture he’d worn more than a few times in the early days of our courtship. He tried nervously running a hand through his hair, but stopped halfway to his scalp before he realized that wouldn’t work.

“It wasn’t anything important,” Cullen said at length. The blush on his skin was rapidly spreading and he couldn’t quite meet my gaze.

“Just a casual conversation between...friends?” said Dorian. “No, that scowl on your face distinctly says ‘not friends’. Is that an acquaintance-scowl, then? Perhaps _colleagues_ would be better suited.”

I glared at both of them. I didn’t like whatever befuddled magic had led to this mess; I liked being left in the dark even less. “Maker’s breath, you two-- _out with it!_ ”

There was a pause, and the two of them traded a look, as if silently trying to pick which one of them was going to confess. Finally Dorian heaved a great, dramatic sigh and shouldered the burden.

“The Commander asked me to help him...how shall I put this...learn how best to present oneself to the world? And others?”

“...what?” I asked, utterly confused.

Dorian sighed again, gesturing helplessly. “I believe he may have wanted to impress you?”

I really was going to banish him from Skyhold this time. “Sweet, blessed Andraste, Dorian! _Make. Sense._ ”

The mage made a disgusted noise and threw up his hands in defeat. “Fine! We were talking about hair. More specifically, how to style it and what to style it with.”

I blinked.

“Obviously, coming to me for advice is a sign of an intelligent man with discerning taste.” Dorian continued. He was smiling now. “I was happy to share my secrets of course. Just a little something from home; I always try to keep a bit handy for emergencies. I quite approve of the two of you, you know. Always so concerned with one another. Absolutely adorable.”

I looked at Cullen, who by this point had turned completely scarlet. Then I looked to my hand, still fused to his tresses where I’d meant to affectionately run my hand through his curls. I looked at at Dorian, who was beaming, and then back to Cullen, who was now fixating on some little speck on the floor. I could practically hear him praying for the earth to open up and swallow him whole.

Everything was so absurd all of a sudden, it was all I could do not to burst out laughing.

“Do you mean to tell me that I just walked through the Great Hall, in front of _all those people_ , with my hand stuck in your hair, because you were worried about how you looked?” I asked.

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, glancing sideways at me. “I did not... intend to deceive you. There _is_ magic involved and he _is_ the source of it--” he favored Dorian with a particularly cutting glare, “--I simply didn’t feel...further details were...necessary.”

I bit my lip. My anger had completely fled now, likely off to whatever location Cullen’s common sense had gone to. Had he really done all of this to try and impress me? Maker. I’d have hugged him if we didn’t have an audience. And if I could more my arm more than a few inches in either direction without shooting pains.

I sighed, struggling to keep a neutral expression. “Dorian, don’t you dare tell me that this is how this item is supposed to work.”

“Well, I did inform the charming Commander that that this particular mixture needed appropriate time to set.” said Dorian. “Clearly, my warnings were...disregarded.” He grinned. “Either that, or perhaps you must learn how to keep your hands to yourself, Inquisitor.” I arched an eyebrow at him.

Cullen growled beside me. “Maker’s breath, Dorian--will you stop gloating and just fix this already?”

“Yes, yes, of course! No need to get yourself worked up, Commander...well.” Dorian grinned. “More than you already have, presumably.”

Cullen surged forward before either of us could think. “ _ **Ow!**_ ”

 

 


End file.
